Allison Mao Week 11: Secrets Have Consequences
When we started reading Everything I Never Told You in class, I realized that the events of the book were a great example of the power of language, specifically communication. Their family dynamic displays how essential sharing information between family members is and the consequences that follow a lack of healthy communication.
For instance, only after calling a few girls that were supposedly Lydia’s friends when Lydia had gone missing, the family realized that Lydia had not been good friends with any of the girls that she supposedly had been keeping in contact with for the past few years. Her father, James, recalled that “he had never seen a ticket stub” after all the times Lydia asked if she could go to the movies with her “friends.” It must not have been an easy feat for Lydia to keep such a big secret from her father and the rest of her family.
I did some research on the effects of keeping secrets, and I found that, unsurprisingly, withholding information from others does come with both mental and physical tolls. According to Jack Schafer, Ph. D. on Psychology Today, keeping secrets can cause “emotional distress” such as “depression, anxiety, and poor overall personal health.” Lydia kept this big secret from her family for years, which meant that she must have had to carry this emotional burden for that large amount of time. Lydia had supposedly “gone out” with her friends often on the weekends, but that had turned out to be a lie. Schafer comments that people who keep secrets “feel compelled” to let another person know about their problems to relieve stress, and clearly Lydia did not let any of her family members know. This shows how powerful simply telling her parents or even her siblings about this huge burden would have been, instead, her decision to keep everything hushed only kept hurting her physically.
Furthermore, fooling her parents into believing she had friends was also damaging to her health. Social isolation can threaten our mental and physical health just like keeping secrets, if not more. It has been linked to an increased risk of suicide, which Lydia had committed. Her parents did not know about any of this, rendering them incapable of helping her with this problem. Additionally, since Lydia had to spend hours pretending to call her friends on the phone and go to movies with them, that meant long periods without the presence of her family members. This decision to isolate herself made Lydia perpetually alone and it is astounding how the simple decision to not say anything was so impactful that it led to her premature death.
Deceiving others at the expense of our own health is also prevalent in real life. For instance, secretly eating candy when your parents are not watching is not only able to makes you guilty about breaking your parents’ trust but also is not good for your health. This heavily stresses the importance of communication in our lives.
Hi Allison! I found your blog on the power of communication, specifically portrayed through Everything I Never Told You” to be a thoughtful analysis of the issues that arise when withholding information from your loved ones. The example that you gave from the book where Lydia lies to her parents about her friendships effectively portrays the destructive effects of poor communication within the family dynamic. By keeping her secrets, Lydia unintentionally isolated herself, which made her fall into depression and caused her much emotional distress. Additionally, your further research into the psychological implications of keeping secrets further adds depth to your analysis, providing insights into the mental burden that people carry when they decide not to communicate openly. The link between secrecy and mental health issues is an important one, and your analysis further emphasizes the importance of fostering open and honest communication within relationships. Moreover, your explanation of social isolation as a consequence of hiding facts highlights the broader impact of communication breakdowns on individual well-being. The connection between Lydia's isolation and her premature death effectively emphasizes the profound consequences of failing to communicate openly with loved ones. I found the real-life example you provided of one secretly eating candy further reinforces the idea that dishonesty can have negative implications for both physical and emotional health. This relatable anecdote helps to contextualize the broader theme described in your blog. Overall, your post effectively highlights the significance of communication in fostering healthy relationships and preventing the negative consequences associated with secrecy and deception. Your analysis is well-supported and provides valuable insights into the themes explored in Everything I Never Told You. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Allison,
ReplyDeleteYour blog has extremely interesting connections of miscommunication and secrets with the overall theme of Everything I Never Told You, and it made me realize just how harmful keeping secrets can be. Secrets are kept for many reasons such as protecting a perfect image of yourself, or lying to others to keep them happy at the cost of your own happiness, but the secrets Lydia has been keeping has clearly severely damaged her family connection and caused her to enter a depressive and isolated state. Why people keep such emotional burdens on themselves just to make others happy makes me realize that it is not really the fault of the victim, but rather the family that caused the victim to be in such a difficult place. As I was reading the book, I noticed that the family seemed to be completely clueless as to why Lydia had died in the lake, and mainly family members started creating their own theories. I am shocked that none of them had any idea of what happened when their pressure on Lydia to strive for perfection was one of the major causes of Lydia’s death and the constant lies and secrets she kept. It is horrible that she had to continue lying to her parents to both fool herself into being happy and convince her family that she is happy, which is just such a horrible situation to be in. Her family’s cluelessness really angered me as they were completely deceived and buying into the lies that they could not even realize how they affected Lydia’s life. I feel bad for Lydia as she was probably happier until her family started pressuring her to be perfect and to be the best in everything, even a social life. Lydia also made the mistake of continuing this toxic cycle to create an idea in her family’s minds that she was okay, so in some way she was also a part of the problem by keeping up with the lies. Your blog was very insightful and wonderfully explained how miscommunication, secrecy, and lies all can cause mental health problems, and I liked how you made this critical connection to Everything I Never Told You.
Hi Allison,
ReplyDeleteI really like how your blog resonated with one of our current topics in school: “Everything I Never Told You.” It made your blog much more understandable and allowed me to resonate with the topic much better. I also think the way you structured your blog was very effective. First stating an overall general idea and then delving into examples in the book that supported your claim made your blog quite structured and comprehensible. It wasn’t only the structure of your paragraphs but also the picture you included in between. In fact, I think the picture you provided resonated very well with the topic of your blog. It perfectly captured the feeling of keeping secrets and losing communication with other. I also couldn’t agree more with you on what the book has to teach us about the power of language, especially communication. The scenario you provided about Lydia lying to her parents about having friends when she was really in isolation all the time is a very good example of how not communicating and keeping secrets can lead to misunderstandings that are detrimental to health. I also believe that it was very unique to include an outside source such as Dr. Jack Schafer and his thoughts on how keeping secrets leads to mental and physical health issues. This external information undeniably strengthens your credibility in your blog. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your blog and I resonated really well with the connections you made about “Everything I Never Told You” and the power of language.